A need for voice - Day 158 RAW

Day 158 Raw
That's right... I am back!

A Need for Voice

Original voice

Body and Soul

Spirit too

Nice easy rides

Taken along with mild distaste

Pleasing to the mind

Displeasing to you

When all else falls

When likes disapprove

Wants unsatisfied

Needs crisp

Thoughtful needs still torn over

Thoughtful needs not met

Not realized

Tears over needs never verbalized

To you

Displeasing to you

Have I displeased you?

Needs on a sheet

Check off

Mark in blue, six for real

Real needs mark in blue

Have I displeased you?

Have my needs been approved?

Sat in silence

Avoided

Stolen what should have been given

To you

Never listened to You

Designing needs around stories

Opinions noted

Talk and talk and never matter

Pit of words

Black echo

Tearful

I wouldnt want to hear it

Would you?

So, I am back. And really, my husband got me here. He said to me.. "Kathy, I feel awful. I feel like I need a detox and I hate to say it because I know that I might regret it.. but I think we should start like midnight tonight eating raw again. I will do it will you for a week". So, we did and that was Monday at midnight. I have been about 80% raw Mon, Tues, and today. I am excited to be back. I also spent the day with a good friend and raw foodist and just being around encouraged me... plus a note on this blog. And I feel like I am not going to do any major cleanses or major detox stuff or anything radical... I just need to plug away with being raw in whatever form that takes for a day. One day at a time. I am feeling so much better. Maybe not as good as I would be if I were a little higher raw.. but I am getting there.

A lot of what I had to check while I took this break is why I was self distructing... I got in a big "pit" of self dispair and self hate. I felt very bad about myself and this made me not care about caring for myself. One big thing I am doing wrong and still doing wrong is doing for others instead of myself. I love to do for others... I just think I should not do it at the expense of doing for me and my family.

God is good and when I "do" for him... it is always with a big sense that he does for me more... meaning when I am doing just for him and not to please others it does not sap me or drain me it fills me. Lately I have not been filled I have been drained so I know what I have been "doing" even though it may look like it is for Him.. has not.

So, how to get back to where I was? Good Question. I think I will ponder that while in the pool with my amazing friends Jim and April in Austin. We will have a lot of time to relax and I am so happy to just be with them and wash away all my anxiety.

Blog soon!