New Goals for a NEW LIFE

Day 166 Raw
Week 5-6? Pregnant
234 lbs

Well, I ended the detox (did 100% raw- added nuts since I was pregnant and hungry).
I did not beat the 200 lb mark, but considering the baby.. I am cutting myself some major slack!
Since then I have had lots of energy... but I am feeling like my body is at work and sometimes I just need to rest and rest well.
I have felt really hungry. So, I am trying to listen to my body without overeating. Balance!

I went to Chuy's with friends on Sunday, and ate a big cooked meal which I have to say tasted great! I enjoyed it and did not feel too stuffed, which is weird. I was tired afterward though... cooked corn will do that to me. But even that day everything else was 100% raw. I am back to my 80% raw norm... raw all day and a 50% dinner or higher. That feels right for now.

I had some mild nausea on Saturday which I had to just keep nibbling to keep off. But Sunday was pretty rough nausea... all day. But, I never vomited or anything... And today I had none at all.

I had a little cramping... and started worrying, but then I remembered that it normal. It has been a while. One of the midwives I am interviewing, when I told her it had been 6 years since my last birth.. said "Do not worry, your body remembers!" Isn't that good? She got extra points for that.

I am going to look back at this blog and see if I can get an exact date of my last period. I know it is around the 15th... but I think it was about a week after. Which would make my due date about March 28th. My birthday is March 13th and our anniversary is March 2nd, so that would be pretty cool! Vyk really wants for the baby to have been conceived 7-07-07! :) I think it was a little earlier, but ya know. I need to get one of those baby growing things for my blog that shows how big the baby is now. That would be pretty cool. Astrid keeps asking how big the baby is, and tiny is only going to cut it for a few more weeks. She needs to know more. I think I will go look at our local used book store and see if there is a book for kids on fetal growth and development, or something more fun and story like would be good. Hey, I will just make up a story... that is even better!

Here is the big question. Will I blog my weight for the entirety of my pregnancy? For peats sake, why not? It will probably be good for me.

Baby

Day 162 Raw Day 5 Diva Detox

I had a beautiful day today! Had friends over for our Book Club... we are supposed to be reading David Wolfe's Sunfood Diet Success System.. but we did not quite get to that.
I had started thinking I was pregnant... my husband and I have been trying on and off for maybe a year now... meaning we would start trying and chicken out. But the last 3 months had been real trying... but with me being a bit hesitant and still feeling like we should go for it. Anyway, I had had a mishap with a pregnancy test and it had a really light second line (not even pink)... I really thought that it was a false test... I had done it wrong... so, I kept waiting... started this detox felt like I was probably going to start, etc. Well, yesterday, I just started feeling pregnant and I was headed towards a few days late at least and I started thinking I need to take another test... I got it all ready and ended up waisting my mourning pea.... got up about 3am. Anyway, my friends convinced me to take it in the afternoon.....

I am pregnant!!!! !!!!!
So excited. And my husband is going to be very happy.

Anyway I ate 100% raw today but did have some nuts... I just want to make sure I am getting enough calories! I have some heavy reading to do on raw pregnancy. This is taking me to a whole new level. I still hope to get below 200 lbs before the week is over... so when I go to my first visit and step on the scale it will be with my head held high!

But back to the baby. I told Astrid and James... and called my dad and let Astrid tell him. I told Vyk last night and this morning I thought I was pregnant... but Astrid and I have put two temporary tattos on my belly one with a female symbol and one with a male symbol.

This goes back to telling him about Astrid.. I met him for dinner at a restaurant and after we ate I lifted up my shirt to a little fish tattoo on my belly. I told him there was something swimming in there... and he knew we were pregnant. I had saved the male female symbols secretly just in case we needed to use them... so they were ready to go for the big night!

I am thinking we will have Astrid snuggled into bed and reading stories and have her tell Vyk... Hey! Look at mom's stomach.. it is some weird detox thing... and then he will see the tattoos and know. Astrid has already made a shirt that says "I LOVE BABIES" and one for the baby that says "I LOVE SIS". She is soooooo excited! Excited does not describe it. She says it is the best day of her life! And it probably is! She is drawing pictures all in blue and pink with names over them. James, who I really thought would be a little less than thrilled... esp since he told me it was not OK with him for me to have a baby... is really happy! He was hugging me and smiling and bluntly saying he was happy... which does not happen hardly ever. So that really was sweet!

Part of me is just a little worried about slowing down progress. I was on a roll... and it kind of would have been nice to get to say 160 and then get pregnant. But, the truth is I have been doing this forever... I told myself along time ago (and Vyk) we would get pregnant after I lost 30 lbs, because then I would weigh less than I did when I got pregnant with Astrid. But, then I thought that was not enough... and I was not sure... and I did not feel healthy... then I felt good, but wanted to do more first then I relapsed and wished I had done it when I was on an up turn. So now, on an upturn, I am going to be happy and rejoice this new life!

Happy Baby Day!

Day 4 IS HARD

Day 161 Raw Day 4 Diva Detox Wednesday
235

Well, after I blogged yesterday, such a glowing report... here is what happened... taken from an email to my group:

Well after that glowing report this morning about my energy levels... I took a fast dive soon after. I was suddenly super hungry so I had a green smoothie (spinach and banana)... I ended up having to lay on the couch and I eventually took kind of a cat nap... Astrid talking to me most of the time. Anyway.. I just got so hungry or my blood sugar got low or something. Maybe the watermelon followed by the banana. I ended up not finishing the normal second glass... it tasted too sweet. I just wanted water and to lay still. I started feeling a little better... like actually getting up and suddenly my body started CRAVING... really, specifically, coconut chips... larger dried coconut. I wanted the texture and the taste both. Luckily, I had some. And I had it. I think this might be off limits of the detox since they want you to avoid fatty fruits like avocado. But, I think my body needed it... or something. So, that kept me OK for a while... but it has just been an up and down day. I have had high energy and then suddenly no energy! I really have been tempted by things I have not been tempted by for a while... like chips that I let Astrid get (I COULD HAVE JUST ONE! BUT I DIDN'T) and I really wanted nuts... just to end the hunger. I guess I am not eating enough... calories. But, I also am not terribly interested in food until I am really hungry and then it all goes down hill.

Then tonight I start getting dull pain in my back (like Kidney area)... strangely this is my glimmer of hope.... detox now in my kidneys. It actually excited me.
Am I crazy... well, it is what I am holding on for... it was kind of a rolling pain (not bad) and I think it is already gone!

I am about to leave for small group. I just had a whole lot of watermelon and I made a beautiful salad to go alongside the spaghetti that everyone else will eat. I am just worried with my body being in a craving messed up mode... the bread and spaghetti are going to be hard to turn away. I will be able to do it, I promise I will DO IT! It will just suck, and that is not the attitude I want to have about what I am doing. SO>>> I am going to go and give it my all!

I am allowing myself some pine nuts on the salad since I really think I might need it (in my current state).

OK so that gets you current to today.
When I woke up I stepped on the scale and it showed 2 lbs of weight loss!!! That makes everything worth while!


Even so, today was a hard day. Not as hard as yesterday, but hard. I go up to work on Wednesdays for staff meeting... where they passed around kolaches and donuts TWICE. The smell was just killing me... I had a green smoothie for breakfast (pears, mango, cilantro and spinach) and it really helped. I made an entire vita mix container full. And packed half for while I was up working... I brought strawberries and coconut chips too. So after I ate the strawberries I was good. Energy seemed better til the evening when I really just dropped off. I wanted to get a lot done after Astrid went to bed, but alas I kind of napped on and off and rested til about midnight.

Detox symptoms and Asian Salad

Day 160 Raw
Day 3 Diva Detox


It is almost 8am as I write this and I have been up since 5:30am full of energy and ready to face the day. I checked my email, had some water with lime and then did yoga and some squats, sit ups, crunches, and push ups. Only like 5 each, but still!

I did not plan on waking up and doing this.. I just felt like doing it. The house is so peaceful and nice at this time of day.. no kids, husband just left for work. Then I got some work done (more time to play with my daughter later) and ate some watermelon as I got hungry.

Whew! This is where it is at! If people only knew how great you feel and think about all the time we would have to enjoy our lives if our bodies were not having to focus all of our energy on digestion... as a society, it could literally be transformational.

I have started to have some interesting detox symptoms which are very different from the detox I have had in the past. I have a boil on my back just around my shoulder blade ... like on the back side of the lymph glands.. it hurts but thankfully is in a place no one can see.
I also have had a breakout on my face.. not too bad, maybe PMS, but still... I did a clay masque with green and white tea antioxidants that is supposed to be great for detoxing the skin from the outside. I am wondering if I should put it on the boil, but I will most likely just leave it alone and let it run it's coarse. Kind of gross! Even grosser to think that was what was inside of me.
I also am having bad breathe and body odor... but I hope it will be gone soon... luckily not too many people have had to be around me yesterday and today.



Fruit and Veg only Dressings

On this detox you encouraged not to eat oils and salts... So, I have been experimenting with dressings that just use fruit, veggies, and herbs...
Last night I made a dressing that comes from my Thai Salad recipe

Thai Dressing

• 4-5 plums
• 1 lime
• 2 cloves garlic
• hunk of ginger
• bit of agave to taste
  

It was pretty good. I just whirled it around in the vita mix and poured it over mixed greens and purple cabbage with shaved carrots to top.

I am pretty excited to see what else I can concoct. They encourage a lot of mono eating which I really have loved... but last night I just wanted a good salad with a good dressing

I also think my asian ginger dressing could be done as:

• 1/2 cup carrots
• Large hunk of ginger
• 2 cloves of garlic
• Little water to get it going in the vita mix

Serve over Mixed Greens and Brussel Sprouts or Bok Choy and mung bean sprouts.

Happy Eating!

Fasting

Day 158 Raw * Day 1 Diva Detox

For the first day EVER fasting from food for me... I did GREAT! Even on a really busy day... I think it was perfect.. it kept me really busy... and also it seemed very fitting to fast on a Sunday.
Like giving my body a day of rest from the work of digestion.

God definitely arrived on the scene, which I really had not anticipated.
I ended up going into the service for the first time in a LONG time in the morning and hearing our guest speaker who spoke about Jesus overturning the money changers tables at the temple. He actually spoke on what we do to keep each other "out", and what we do to box God in. I think it was an amazing lesson. I felt like God asked me to fast from communion, just for the AM.
The idea was being conscious about what it would feel like to not have access to God.. the very ritual that gets us closer to Him. What if I was denied the right to take communion based on my skin color or any other myriad of reasons people find to keep each other away from God.
In the case of the story he was using, it was a spotless lamb (an expensive one) and the right kind of money that was keeping people away from God.

So I sat. And I thought about the privilege of just receiving communion. And I fasted from that as I fasted from food. It was truly a beautiful experience.

I broke my fast with a small bowl of strawberries and a glass of lemon water... it tasted divine.
Huh, actually I broke it with the evening communion. I forgot. How cool!

I also had the company of a friend who I have known for a very long time. A friend whose friendship is by itself a story of redemption.
We went and picked out the perfect watermelons which was a process... but well worth it.
When I opened it up this morning and had a slice it might just be the best I have ever had!

What I ate today:

• Watermelon slush for breakfast.
• Watermelon for lunch.
• Rainbow Smoothie for mid afternoon.
• And I believe I am going to have a salad for dinner.

I am going to whip up an experimental dressing with no oil or salt... wish me luck!

It is strange how my appetite slowly came back. I had to make myself eat this morning... and then it was after I had been up about an hour and a half. I finally started feeling hungry about the rainbow smoothie and now I know I will happily enjoy a big salad.

Strategies for detox

Day 157 RAW 237 lbs.













And at 6pm which is about 40 minutes away I am starting my first ever fast from food. I never could do this before because of blood sugar stuff. Granted it is only a day. Then, 6 more days of detox, just fruit and veg. Exciting.

I am within sneezing distance to my under 200 lbs goal which felt like it might not be attainable a whole lot of times to me. Now, I KNOW I can do it and I am planning my celebration when I do.
Haircut and maybe a manicure / pedicure.

I am going to make myself a green smoothie just to get me into the spirit of the thing before I start the fast. I am a little worried about my big work day (sunday) being my fast day. It is not exactly a day of rest for me. So, that makes me more than a little apprehensive. But on the plus side I will be busy and will not be focusing on food. So, that will actually help a lot. By the time I am done with church in the evening, it will be time to eat something.

Strategies for the detox:

Watermelon- I have noticed that when I feel hungry Watermelon helps curve my appetite. I have a half a watermelon and I also bought some honey dew (my fave) and Cantaloupe.

RAWvolution Hummus- (I am allowing this) I am also whipping up some veg based dressings for salads. This is the hardest part.

Mono eating- I am just going to eat a fruit or veg until I do not want it anymore... then onto something else... I will let you know how this works for me.

GREENS- I am going to make sure I get PLENTY of greens. Green smoothies in the AM and PM most likely.



So, there we go. I am going to try to "move" daily... but I am also going to allow for detox symptoms and plenty of rest.

I am really wanting a rebounder all of the sudden. I feel like I can work it in so easily to my day.
Maybe that should be my reward? I do not think I can afford one just now... except a cheap one, that I do not think will be the same.

Here's to the detox... better go make my smoothie before it is 6 o clock!

The New Diabetes Diet

So I am cleaning out old magazines.. and there on the front cover of my "Body and Soul" magazine was an article "The new diabetic diet"... I grab it and read it through. Yup. A super short article about vegan diets being good for diabetics. Did I not see it before? Did I not know where to look.
Can I successfully beat diabetes?

Here is the brief article:

The New Diabetes Diet
Just in time for American Diabetes Month, a new report shows that going vegan may reduce diabetics' dependence on medication. In a Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM) study of 99 people with Type 2 Diabetes, 43 percent of those who followed a low-fat vegan diet for five months were able to get by on a lower dose of their prescriptions- or drop them all together. "The vegan diet appears to control weight, blood sugars, and cholesterol more effectively than a typical diabetes diet," says lead study author and PCRM President Neal D. Barndard, M.D. "IT also requires no calorie counting, no prtion limits, and no limits on carbohydrates. And because the diet is rch in high- fiber foods, it tends to be filling." Barnard encourages those with diabetes to try a low- fat vegan diet for three weeks; visit pcrm.org for a how-to guide.

With that I found a great resource... click on the blog title and you can go there. I will buy the book soon "Dr. Neal Barnard’s Program for Reversing Diabetes". How exciting!

Pecan Pancake Craving Buster

So I woke up feeling like I really wanted a pecan pancake from Cracker Barrel. Yes, this is something that I would consider eating before raw foods and believe it or not I might have even considered it a healthier choice for breakfast... esp if I could have made it myself with a whole wheat batter.

When I woke up craving it, I pretty quickly convinced myself I could find a better choice. My standard smoothie was not going to cut it however. I just did not want a green smoothie.. what can I say? So as I think about what I do want...

Things got worse, Astrid woke up and immediately said... I want a blueberry muffin. I know you are already thinking of all the things I could have said to redirect this to a healthy choice... but that is not what I did. I said "hmmm, I think Cracker Barrel has blue berry muffins."
Can you believe I did that? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I have to go... I have set it all up neatly and nicely... as I bathe and get dressed I think about how I can have ONE, just one pecan pancake, skip the butter (on top at least) and go for the 100% Maple syrup. It is not raw... it will not make me feel good... I will not like myself but then... I will go to Whole Foods and buy my food for the week... just one time will not hurt.

Ahh... but then I thought about how I woke up not hungry, with no hypoglycemia. How just now I was starting to get hungry and it was 10am. I thought about how I would feel tomorrow post pancake. I thought about how I would feel when I went shopping on a hefty pancake stomach. How I would jam up the works for the detox I was doing. I drank some water. And then I looked at the frozen blue berries I had. The fresh strawberries, the walnuts, the coconut flakes, the banana, the dried currants. My taste buds started waking up... mmmm! Wait a minute.
The dehydrator was full of everything I had left over from the week. A mango, a couple plums, apple chips.... as I opened it and the smell spread... soon, Astrid was asking for some of that mango. I showed her the blueberries... and by now I had decided on a raw muesli for breakfast... she did not want that... she wanted to make her own "trail mix" which was just about my muesli without almond milk.

We had the best breakfast. Thank God for a well stocked kitchen and a dehydrator full of succulent treats! They made a pecan pancake and a blueberry muffin pale in comparison.

Success! By the way I've got a great link to follow on this blog... get some inspiration for your own raw muesli.

Goal one accomplished!

Day 173 RAW
237 lbs

I have been without a computer. Which drives me a little crazy. But, I now am back and I have saved up blogs... so, I will post a bunch all at once to catch up on all that has happened.

The weight loss says it all. I quickly dropped the added weight that had tried to work it's way back. I told that weight that it had to go. That I had already asked it to leave, and I also told it to take it's friends with it!

I AM HEADED FOR GOAL #2 in rare form and with a great 7 day detox program pumping me up. I am actually going to fast for a day. Something I would have sworn I could not do! Then I am going to eat fruit and veg (as the brit Diva's I am listening to would say) for 7 days and see what comes of it. GOAL #2 (under 200 lbs) here I come!

What have I been doing to regain my weight loss. I have been eating 80% raw. Yeah, I know, if you have read along it might make you want to kick me. But, hey. I am threw beating myself up for the set back. I am on my way past set back and onto success. :)
Want to join me? Try and keep up!

7 Day Raw Divas 7 day Detox http://www.therawdivas.com/7daydetox.html

Candy Bar Craving Buster

Candy Bar craving buster

• 1 banana
• 2 Tbsp cacao nibs
• Cinnamon to taste

1. Get a shallow dish and place the cacao nibs and a shake or two of cinnamon inside
2. Slice banana
3. Take each slice and press one side into the cacao mixture, placing it on a plate cacao side up
   
4. Drizzle with agave (optional)
5. Sprinkle plate with cinnamon, dried coconut flakes, raspberries, or whatever sounds good for a beautiful presentation
6. OR just eat as you make ... they are so good and guaranteed to take away any cravings you have for candy... esp a candy bar.

I have always thought the cacao beans taste good, but they are so bitter.. so that makes them not very palatable... but with the sweet of the banana you can enjoy the crunch and rich taste of the cacao nib in all it's raw delight.

Happy?

Call me a swan

Call me a swan

Use that as my title

As children gather

Led with simplicity

Their eyes what matters

The smaller I am, the more they see

Call me a swan

Make that my title,

Elder approved

Each white feather a gift,

Never earned

Serving from gratitude

Hands and feet offered

Is it pastoral?

Ministry?

Call it beauty,

Uniquely feminine

Call me a swan

Place that picture, black & white,

For everyone to see

A swan finding home

As children gather

Modeling, nurturing, caring,

Offering warmth

Uniquely feminine

His Love represented in me

Positive Spot

Day 163 Raw 247 lbs

I find myself in a super positive spot.









Lots of things are finally going well... and even though some of it is fate... at least some of it is where I have placed myself or better yet... where God has placed me because of some patient obedience on my part. I am not taking credit where we all know I should not... but, the truth is I need to acknowledge the fact that when I am good to myself it reaps happiness and it reaps God being pleased and that reaps a really beautiful spot to be in. I've said it before and I will say it again... GOD IS GOOD!

So, what am I talking about?
What good has come. Glad you asked.
I had gained weight back and I had gotten up to 225. But, now I am back to this raw food lifestyle and I am back down to 215, which is not the lowest I have weighed on raw foods... but, I am on a roll and I am determined.. so watch out I will be under 200 before a few weeks going the way I am.

Also, professional success. And in a way that most people would not call professional success. But, since my work is more than work... or at least that is how I look at it... my success has to do with dealing with problems... communications.. being faithful and obedient to God in what he has called me to do... not waivering through a rough spot... and not doing what I wanted to do when times got tough... just doing what God asked and that was it. PRAYER saved the day when this topic is of concern. I am excited to say it. Prayer works so well when it comes to conflict. So, I will keep it up.

Plus I just finished a kids camp. This is my second year doing the camp which is our version of VBS. Last year this was the thing that helped me realize I was being asked to do more with this group of kids. After I finished I was exhausted, but so energized and excited and filled up. This was a big indicator of what was purposeful for me. SO, this year... check in time... so filled up so in love with serving in this way.

I will post a poem I wrote soon too, that is all about all of the above God stuff.

Also, my Aunt is in the hospital. My Aunt Dorothy, my name sake. She is my mothers closest sister, they were so close. And she (just like my mom) has undergone triple bypass. Strangely this is not setting me back into a place of grief... I am not reliving this and being thrown backwards.. this is pulling me into a beautiful spot of healing.

My aunt looks just like my mom. She has a look on her face just like my mom did... fear, uncertainty, distrust in the medical system. I am surprised she did the surgery.. since she had told me she never would. She has had a stroke (just like my mother before her) right side paralyzed.

So, when I visit her it is beautiful... I am not at all sad. I am scared... but I have this beautiful objectivity... I love my Uncle and my cousins and they are hurting and worried and I identify and see it for what it is in all of it's loss of control... and I am healed.

And better yet, I have this feeling about my aunt... I think she is going to do it. I think she can make it. I believe she can be the first Troubaugh women to make it through this surgery.

And my faith in her, is helping create and build a faith in myself. That I can beat the diseases that ravages the small bodies of the women in my family. I can strive to beat diabetes, heart disease, and obesity. I am not ready to die at 65, that would make me middle aged right now! I have more life to live than that! If my heart is the thing that takes me out of this world... I want it to be with me fighting and kicking all the way.

When I talked to my husband about all of this... this is about where he stopped me. He said... well, you are going to go when God has decided, not when you have decided. Very true. But, here is where I broke through some barriers. What was God intentions with my body? God' s intention was that I be small... I have already blogged about this. If my creator thought I should be a "large women" He would have given me the frame for a large women. But, He did not. He gave me the frame for a small women. And he did the same thing for my mom and my aunt and all the other women in my family.. including my beautiful daughter. So, what is God's intention for my body as far as how long I should live? How long my mom should have lived in her body? Over 65? I think so. Now, all of this being said I believe in life after death... so I know God's intention for her keeps going. But, my point is... if I can live a little closer to what God intended for me here... I will be happier, and have a better quality of life... I will live more of the life God has for me here. And I am planning on it.


HERE ARE THE GOALS
My goals have shifted from nice cushy feel good goals to let's get down to business goals. Mainly because I had lost focus from when I started this on the reality of my situation. My aunt is helping me see that again. I HAVE TO LOOSE WEIGHT. The sooner the better.

• So my first goal is to get to the lowest I have been since October of last year when I started this... and that is 208.

• My second goal is to get under 200! And I want to do that ASAP.

• My third goal is to go to the Women of Ecclesia Retreat a much smaller person. This is the retreat that I went to right before I started raw foods. It will be my year marker. So, whatever a much smaller person means, that is my goal. That gives me about 3 months. And while I know realistically I will not be half the person I was. That would make me about 120. I think I could be about 180 realistically. Which would be pretty awesome.

• Then my next goal will be set after the retreat again ... which would fire me up and get me ready to tackle the next 40 lbs!

OK Blog. Hold me to it!

OH, crap! I forgot to say that my husband hit me yesterday with the fact that he wants to do this with me. He wants to eat raw. So, I will blog more on that progress too... but later... time to go dehydrate and make some lunch.