Ash Wednesday

Day 118RAW

Ash Wednesday

Fast is Feast
JoAnn Staebler
In the deep stillness of prayer my soul
fasts. Fasting, at its heart, is turning away from what keeps me from God. Two
things I must leave: the walls I build around the space that was made to be
God's dwelling; the absurdities I keep in that space, so jealously hoarded.
Taking down the wall that protects the false self I have been building, all
these years ... risking exposure, emptiness, loneliness.The fast is silence,
ocean-deep and prolonged. Shard by shard, the wall begins to fall. Inch by inch,
the space clears, and Love lights the shadows.... In letting go is abundance. In
emptying I am filled. This is not denial, but freedom. Fast is feast.
Source:
Alive Now!

This is one of the best bits of writing I have seen on this kind of freedom through denial. The beautiful bounty in letting go. One of the few times I have taken a differing opinion from my pastor on something was last week... when praying over our Lenten plans... he was talking about choosing fruits and vegetables over the bounty of meat, he used the word bounty... Like saying we were choosing less over the bounty we could have. But I have discovered so much more bounty in eating what is simply intended. I have been so overwhelmed by God's generous nature in the foods that surround us. It is actually amazing if you consider what our creator had planned for us. And we have only destroyed it, lost it's beauty... taken it for granted. OH I just hit a nerve, a confession I need to have. We think we know better. We think the simple bounty He has for us is not enough and we look to improve it and add to it.. only to our own detriment.

The message last week actually amazing in that he went into this idea from scripture (I will post a link to the message when it is available) that as men entered the presence of God they glowed, that it would literally change their presence. their energy in visible ways. I have just barely tasted this. And it made me start to wonder... as you get physically cleaned out, you seem to get spiritually cleaned out and more receptive to His spirit. It made me wonder if I will get closer to God's presence the more cleaned out I get spiritually. Will I ever face God in all his glory in a way that would visibly change me? Will I come close to this? Closer, is even good with me. Closer is closer. I love the idea that eating what He has intended for us brings us closer to His presence. Makes you want to keep going another day and see what happens doesn't it? Makes me want to go 118 days raw. Gives you a different perspective on getting that "raw foods glow".

MY LENTEN PLANS

My plans have little to do with food. Although I will keep going so that I can get the full spiritual harvest of the season. I did not want to make my fast about food because I did not want to muddy the successes I have already had. Also, I had felt called for a whiled to do a different kind of fast. A fast from shopping.. a shopping "sabbatical". So tonight it starts. I am allowing one weekly grocery trip, and one trip to the co-op. But other than that and the purchasing I do for Ecclesia (job), I will not shop. And I will not eat out. Which will help me on the raw food path. I have not decided whether to do something specific with the money. But, when I prayed about it... It seemed like it wasn't about giving as much as not squandering. So I am excited to see where this takes us. Will God be as good in this area as He has been with the other areas we have sacrificed? I know the answer. He is faithful. At this point I am excited to see what He has planned for us!

ASTRID's LENTEN POEM

Astrid asked me to write something for her tonight during service.

The gallery unveiled a new show for Lent around the stations of the cross. One of the stations is a small red room sewn out of red dresses with red cords inside and a heart beating... Astrid was drawn to it and so was I. So she wrote this and wanted to place the poem inside the room. I told her we couldn't but maybe we could mail the artist.

In the red room
I will love Jesus
And I will also
Make my own
And all my friends
And all my family
They will be loved
By Jesus too.

Astrid

She also signed it with a heart in place of the 'R' in her name and the 'T' in aqua as a cross. She placed another aqua cross under the 'A' and one inside the 'D'. Three crosses, one heart. Does she get the powerful imagery? I don't know. But amazingly beautiful. Even just in it's simplicity, powerfully moving. As she asked me to write it, I was about to cry. She is pretty incredible.

PS I think she meant she will make her own red room... which made me wonder... am I going to walk into her room in a few days with every red piece of clothing she owns in shreds and draped? We will see.

Healing

Day 109

RAW

So today my dad over lunch said to me... "I got this book and it is on healing and it sounds kind of like the raw food thing you are doing".. Well there have been a lot of coincidences floating around about books on healing so my ears perked up. I asked what the book was and he could not remember, so I told him to bring it and let me take a look. If this book says anything similar to the other books floating around, I am going to really freak out. See about a year ago, I was praying for emotional healing and I stumbled upon a book at Barns and Nobel... well really was drawn to it. It was one of these small books that is simple yet takes I while to read because you keep reading it over and over again. It is called The Healing Light and is by Agnes Sanford. When I read it I got tremendous help from the short chapter on emotional healing, and took her advise and was able to go leave the sacrament table feeling forgiveness after a length of time having some trouble feeling forgiven.

So, when I start on raw foods and physical healing begins to come, and start the thinking on energy, etc. the book comes back to mind. She spoke of healing being like an electrical connection that you had to experiment with to get the right connection... She is a Christian and the book was written long ago and it sounded like a lot of the same stuff (but from a Christian perspective) that the raw foods people talk about. So I gave the book to a good friend who is on the journey with me, and she took it and read a tiny bit of it... but another friend calls her that week and starts talking about a book she is reading.. She starts to think.. do we have the same book? No, but very similar ideas. Just from different perspectives. So healing is in the air. God is at work for sure, as if I had any doubt.

My week was so great with raw foods. I stayed 100% for about 5-6 days and then broke it with some rice. I had 2 couples over this week and really enjoyed uncooking for them. I also went to Austin yet again to visit friends for the day who served a beautiful 100% raw meal which keeps amazing me. I have such amazing friends. People who are so gracious and loving to me.

Beautiful day at a winery and great conversation with friends who I see too little and savor the time I do have with them. We bought two bottles of wine while we were at the winery. One I am planning on having with some raw chocolate and one will be perfect with about any raw meal. I am excited to plan a great meal to serve with the wines.

100 Days and counting

Day 100

RAW

02-02-07

CELEBRATE

To celebrate 100 Days or really just to mark it in a coincidental way, I gathered with 3 friends and went to the hill country for a raw retreat that cost nothing and was I am sure better than any raw retreat you could ever go to.

We all brought food and planned outings in and around Austin. We all shared our favorite green smoothie recipes. We watched videos like David Wolf and "The secret" and talked about healing. The theme seemed to be spiritual and less about the food more about going deep into a spiritual journey and starting to believe that things are possible.

"The Secret" was a pretty good film. The only thing I did not like about it was the fact that it was very pro wealth as a vision for success... it had several sections that were focused exclusively on material possessions... and how to attain them. One of the things I have been getting lately is the idea that there are some physical laws in the nature of the world around us that are very much just built in. God's design applies to everything and some of this we can not see but they are still very powerful.. this allows anyone to follow them, but I believe through Christ we have a better ability to grasp them. Obedience is so key, following God's lead. It is so amazing when science proves the nature of God, which I believe happens more than we realize.

We stayed in Dripping Springs just south of Austin, at a friends sisters house. Her home was beautiful and she was so gracious with us. It was easily one of the nicest homes I have stayed in. And can you imagine being an average person and your sister and her 3 friends descend on you with raw food and talk of energy and healing. :) She was incredibly warm, she made us 2 amazing raw pies. One strawberry and one carob, really good. And she had never made any raw foods, she just researched it and bought everything to make it for us. So sweet.

One of the conversations that was esp helpful to me was about family and the challenges of having not everyone in the family on the same diet. I got a lot of tips about kids and raw foods from the veteran among us. It was so helpful just to process all of it.

We went to this place just up the street called Timpones market which was a large health food store with a decent small produce section and lots of raw products. We spent well over an hour, maybe 2 there.. we were like kids in a raw candy store. They had a juice bar and we sampled some of their super food smoothies. We all agreed our favorites were better :). Gosh I loved this place, if you are ever in or around Dripping Springs I would highly recommend stopping in. If this place were down the street from me, I would spend a lot of money supporting his venture.

We also went to the living foods bar in the Austin Whole Foods which I will just rave over for the next 2 years til one comes to Houston. 2008, that is what the guys said. That is a long long time to go without my new found faves there. Oh my gosh it was so good. I had a raw tostada plate and a cheesecake that was better than any cheesecake I have ever had in my life. And it was reasonably priced. I spent the rest of the trip home dreaming of moving within walking distance of that it... So good! The whole foods there is SO big. I hate big places like that, but gosh with the perks of the living foods bar, I could maybe bear it.

100 Days and counting!

Plateau ended

Day 97
RAW

240 lbs.

Wow! I lost 2 lbs. The day after my little revelation from yesterday. I lost weight. Why am I not at all surprised? Pretty Cool!

Which came first emotional or physical breakthrough? Or are they just so tied together it is hard to know. So linked.

Whatever the case, God is leading me down an unbelievable path towards healing for both.

Hooray!

I can not wait for my 100 day RAW retreat with friends. That will push me even farther to healing.