Stop and Breathe

Day 81

RAW

Sunday Jan 14, 2007

LOSS OF PASSION/ FOCUS

I am feeling a little bit of a loss of passion and focus for a lot of things that God has shown and given me today. I have to trust it will pass, and I am praying for clarity and peace. Stress is a real kicker. The more stress you feel, the more stressed you are, the more stress you send out and the more other people are stressed with you.

I tend to do too much and to say "no" not enough. I sometimes think it is the female condition.

But, when I say that.. I also want to stand firm on the strong ideas I have that turning internal and focusing only on ourselves isn't the answer either. This "Oprahism", as I usually call it, is just not who we are called to be in Christ. It is not how "God's economy" (as my dad calls it) is run.

We give from the heart and that gift is given back to us overwhelmingly, and abundantly. When the gift is energy, God has every power to give us energy back. This is completely opposed to what our society says you should do for you. The idea that you can not give unless you do for yourself first has some truth, but it is only good in boundary setting... The truth is if you can... you should... And this is not always convenient or easy, but I promise it always has great and even unexpected rewards. Serving is one of the most beautiful things I do with my life whether it is serving my family or serving my community.

But all of that being said, God does not ask us to live in stress. Actually, if I am acting obediently, stress is gone because I am just following His will, and that means I do not have to worry. The burden of worry is not on me. As soon as I take that burden back up, and stop following... as soon as I start to try to do it alone.... God shows me pretty quickly I will fail. It is a beautiful gift, really. So as stress builds and I keep trudging on, things get worse, the knot in the stomach starts, I do not stop to breathe... I ignore it and press on, things get worse and worse...

Until, I stop... breathe, pray, give up, resubmit, obey and then move again.

It is amazing what breathing can do. Working with groups of young children, I have seen it so much. When I stop and breathe it breathes beauty and peace into the room of kids. As a teacher, you carry a lot of energy. If I am not centered before the kids show up, which I was not today, when they arrive they will be chaotic. But if I am centered, even a chaotic group of kids can be refocused when they enter. I have to remember to stop and breathe, which seems like the opposite of what I want to do which is run around and fix everything.

STOP AND BREATHE! OK, GOT IT!